7/31/12

Today was hard, I miss my husband, no not my husband. My life. I know that I am gonna be ok. Trust me I did the money numbers on paper... I'm gonna be ok. But it is hitting me pretty hard that I am alone.

Alone isn't something I ever did well. Hell I never really did it, I was with someone. I'm mean Brandon turned into Jason, turned into Dana, turned into mike, turned in to ken, turned in to Mike again, turned into Brandon again, turned into Colby, turned into Shane, turned in to Jason. That was 2003-2006. So needless to say I always had someone.

Always

Not I have two little boys that are my whole world. But it kills me to know I broke up theirs. This isn't something I asked for or wanted. But here it is. All I can do is try my best to make the best home that I can.

I go to work, I come home, I make dinner, and I put them to bed... Sleep and repeat.

Pay the bills, buy the food, hope that until I have my 10% savings cushion built up that nothing falls apart, or breaks down.

There are people that I know will be their for me. But then again....

Mostly I have me. I just hope that it won't just be me forever.

Maybe Jason will ask me out on a date if I clean my apartment enough. If I can keep everything in the right place. But I doubt it.

I don't know when he stopped loving me, but he sure did. He went to court stood there confident as a rock. No emotion. And as I left the court room I crumbled in to a puddle of tears and non coherent words and thoughts.

My life that I knew is gone now. Now I have to get a new one.


Question is what will it look like?
Who will be in it? Will they stay?


But right now I sleep alone, I cook alone, I watch tv alone. Unless it is my week. Then bring on the happiness. Cuz my baby's are home.