New found love

I have found the love I have always needed and it was always here, it never left and it never will. I haven't alway known what it looked like but yet it was here.

That love is me, I have always been me, always. No man can take that no man can break that. I am a strong woman that has been though a lot in here life.

I had chapter one, I married young and didn't really think it though, he left without a word. He came back only when he needed something. He used and abused my love for him over and over and over again. But I came out on top with a bruised heart. But still mendable.

Chapter 2 went a whole lot better. It started out with all the wrong choices being made, all by me. I will take the blame for that. Those choices ultimately what brought this chapter to a close. I hurt him, badly. He couldn't find it in his heart to forgive me. I know he must have tried but apparently he couldn't do that anymore. He didn't trust me. He couldn't see past the mistakes I had made. Although I quit making the mistakes and committed to him and him alone. We created a family that I will never regret nor will he. Our love is embedded in those little boys. When I look at them I know that we loved each other. He couldn't forgive and I couldn't do what he needed to be able to live and love in the same house anymore. So we split.


Now I wasn't ready to move to chapter 3 so I stayed in Limbo, I wasted two months there. I didn't have a job, a place to live, a man to love me. And I mourned over that for a long time. I even lowered myself to a whole new low as I went back and begged for sex, and comfort as opposed to facing the facts and working though the pain and moving forward.

Well I started seeing a man that did everything I needed, cuddled with me held me, kissed me like he meant it. Even occasionally allowed me to spend the night. He liked me, something I hadn't felt in quite some time. He helped me through the hard parts, he texted me, hung out with me, and yes listened to me ramble on and on and on about nothing.

I am and people person this man is not in fact in the month and a half we hung out we never went out in public.

This doesn't work for me.

So I entertained a new venue.

I went on a real date, we had never met, but he chatted all weekend, and on Monday, my first day at my new job. He picked me up and we went to dinner. He is funny, charming, good looking, has two children that he adores and is kinda awesome.

The date went well and as we sat down to watch a movie he wrapped his muscular arms around me and held me. Just held me. For a long time until I fell asleep. Now he had two choices he could have left. I was asleep therefor no longer talking, or interacting in anyway. Or stay with this stranger in his arms. She very obviously needed this. So he stayed. I woke up in the arms of a man that just held me. No other nonsense just held me.

Some of the things that came up on our date was that if Jason asked for me back would I go.

And I answered no. I have done to much to move forward. I have gotten a job. I was missing him less. And knew that I didn't want to go back.

Well, one booty call later I was left after cuddling though a movie.

This step was the end I was done. I knew that before I can truly ever be completely love I was going to have to love and respect myself first.

I needed to know what I was worth,

I am worth a lot, I am special I am unique I am amazing kind, and I give everything I have to the people I love. This didn't include the most important person in my life. ME.

My point is this.

I am important,
I deserve better then a one night stand. I deserve a man that wants to be around, that accepts that I have baggage. I have two boys. That will always come first. I am worth so much more then I have ever had.

Is Eddie the man of my dreams, will I fall head over heels for him?

These are questions I don't know the answers to that.

But I know that this is chapter 3.

And I am not going to settle for less then amazing!