Kinda hard

This week has been a hard one that has led me to a complete meltdown.

Everyone has these weeks, or at least I tell myself that.

Weeks where everything is wrong, nothing goes how you expect or want it to. You lose things that you don't want to... But they move on and you don't see it coming. You see it happening, and you confront it. But are denied that it is what is really going on. Maybe your reading into it too much. But in my experience your not wrong.

People don't change unless there is a reason.

When you text/call and they always answer.. And suddenly they don't. What am I suppose to think? I'm sure your thinking.... "Well their busy of course" but I don't think so. I think that there is a reason all right. I think that under the circumstances I am right on. It's not something that suddenly happened to make them "busy". I think that they are avoiding me. Now I have been wrong. Not gonna say I am always right. Cuz I'm not. But when they get home and everything is suddenly awkwardly quiet and nothing like how it usually is. It means something is up.

So now I have a few options, brace myself for the inevitable. Hurt.

Protect yourself, stop giving things away when they will not be returned, because you know they won't. And accept that some things are gone and they are not coming back.

Understand that yes it is probably something you did, it always is right?

Except the fact that it is over, it's gone, it's done. There is no getting it back. Sometimes things just happen that way. You don't know why. You know it's your fault but you just don't know exactly what you did. That part hurts because you try to grasp what possibly could have gone wrong and how you could've changed it.

The truth is nothing can change it, you just made the decisions that you made. And unfortunately you can't undo the past you can't remake your decisions you just have to accept the consequences.

Now i do things is in this order realize it's over, grasp at what isn't yours anymore. Text to zillion times call a zillion more times until you're so upset that nothing is okay and then you're left with the image of a complete fool that just can't accept that things are over.

I this time around I'm going to try really hard to not do any of those things. Trying not to call, trying not to text, trying to not watch as they go on with their life without any thought of how you may be doing. Mostly because they don't care.

I bet That my husband wish that I had thought of all of this when we broke up huh?