Whole new meaning to taking a "step back"

Ok, taking a step back... My thoughts

Prep yourself...

So you call me up to say that you were gonna "spend the night" well guess what, The only day I work is tomorrow night. It will be late when I get home. So.... Don't act like your doing me a favor by "spending the night with me" seriously ... Dude your the lucky one. If you don't feel that way go sleep by yourself. See if I care. All get used to you not being around. If you think I won't ... Sir your insane.

If he's gonna pull this "I need to do my own thing". I'm sorry wasn't it two months ago that it was the end of the world to not spend the night together because and I quote "we would NEVER see each other" (a little dramatic sweetie). But suddenly it's fine, that's crazy. But sure we are fine? Umm I I don't think so.. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. (As my dad says, always hated that expression. A little crude I think) because fine? I think not.

Also acting like I am the annoying ex, that won't go away. And randomly stops by your work to say hi. (Cuz that's unheard of from the girl your in love with. Just Saying). I'll tell you what I don't need.... That crap.

I'm just fine on my own, I mean I'm not gonna lie.. It's gonna be rough for a while. I mean, he's been here by my side sleeping in my bed or in his depending on the week. Anyway he's been there. 8 months. So yeah it's gonna be rough conditioning myself to sleep alone.. Getting a new routine (which I'll have to do to not cry all the time). Except oh wait... That's exactly what your doing now. Except your tell me we are "fine" (again really? Are you kidding me?)

I have told you over and over at least a zillion times, don't "prep" me for a break up. Get it the fuck over with it. Because I don't need to be "prepped".

Let's face it, I've been left before. A whole lot longer of a relationship too, like 6 years.. With 2 children. One less then a year old. So it was traumatic thank you very much. So if you think you leaving me is going to devastate me then let me tell you.... Don't flatter yourself
I've been left, I've been beat up and then left, followed by dating a guy who cheated on me with his ex-wife (but I can understand that, HUGE omg maybe we can have that back). Then married, and yep you guessed it left... 6 after saying "I Do". Beat up again... And left. Treated nicely for a while and then doing the leaving. (Me getting back at the male gender) married, and yep... Thrown out. Then a relationship where I was told I wasn't good enough. In bed of all things (which is seriously total crap I'm amazing, again Just Saying). Then I was cheated on... With multiple people. Same guy fucking like 4 people. Knocking one of them up. Anyway all girls I don't feel are at all attractive, which may be me just be more full of myself then I should because if people are leaving me (there's that word again) for fat people then... We'll fill in the blanks.. (Just kidding it means I must be horrible looking) on a side note the girl my latest ex-husband chose to date after me was a 250 lb bitch with 4 count them 4 kids, all different fathers. And makes it very obvious that she and her wants are more important theirs and their well-being. But I have a zillion other blogs on that subject so we will not waste my blog space on that shiny object.

All that I am saying is I have been left, cheated on, beat up And been insulted by being traded down. Which is bad for a recently bruised and beaten heart.

Anyway back on point,

This isn't the worse thing that has or will happen to me.
But for god sake don't
D. R. A. G. I. T O. U. T
It's insulting to think that you think I can't handle life without you in it. Now if your trying to make yourself feel like your something special, believe me when I say..... I love you like crazy, but I love me more.

So just do it. End it. Call me a waste of time. Tell me I'm not worth the time to perhaps move past the point of just boyfriend and girlfriend.

And allow me to tell you in my ex-boyfriend's (Brian) (whole different blog) words. That I am lovable, sweet, and great in bed. Which at this time your not denying. In fact that may be a huge part of why I am still allowed around you anyways.

So.... I'll end with this... If this is your way or why your "stepping back" allow me to say kindly FUCK YOU very much.

End of transmission.