Pain

Pain, not something I have ever tolerated well. And right now my heart hurts. I live for my kids, but I'm alone in this I have to teach them. Right from wrong... How to love, how to care. And sure I'm not their only parent. But I can't help wish we were a family again. But that isn't gonna happen. He has moved on. As have I. I'm happy most of the time. Not today when I'm second on the list of people that is important in their life.
I have become friends with the woman he is with. It's not that bad. She is nice. Sometimes she does stupid shit. But who doesn't right, (I know I've been dumb zillion times) we all make mistakes and when we do you have live with them. I wish I could find some peace in this. But it is escaping me. I guess I should read my scriptures that will make things clearer of something. Faith is something i have a lot of. Not knowing but hoping. Knowing that Heavenly Father will make it better. I don't know how. But somehow he will. Just not right now. And I pray that I will grow into the woman he wants me to be... But right now my faith is faltering. Like a object that you hold onto. That suddenly turns to water or dust. That the harder you hang on the faster it escapes your fingers. And just letting go.... Just the thought of it hurts, causes pain that leaves you sitting in a corner with your arms around your own legs hoping that somehow it will be ok. So here I sit.