A time

There is a time and a place.

Right now I am at a place where the road is very unseen. I don't know where I am going. No clue... School? Continue with the never ending job hunt? Being a stay at home mom isn't an option anymore.

My Quandary is this, Who am I, who do I want to be, who will I turn out to
be.
Today somebody told me something. someone told me a lot of thing's we must've talked for at least an hour.

He reminded me that love was one of those things that if you know that you have it, life is good. and when it's over it's over.

Well I'm at a point in my life where it's definitely over and I'm striving and searching for somebody that will love me. I don't know if there is a person out there. it is a very good point that I may very well spend the rest of my life looking to fill a place that can't be filled. maybe I've been loved by as many people as will love me.

Maybe it's a waste of time to continue to look. I have two beautiful baby boys and they need their mother focused on one and one thing alone raising them to be healthy happy men that will find the one and keep her around even though times get tough and things don't always work out, but if you keep trying you can get past the hard times, through the rough times and still be together in the end.

No one ever said relationships were easy because they're not. Relationships take work they take time sometimes they hurt, sometimes they shatter, sometimes they drowned, sometimes they end. relationships are hard but it's what you make of them sometimes the ones that end are the ones that make you think and remember.

when you think Back you look over the lessons that you learned. there are always lessons, things that you remember like memories of walks in Parks and romance under trees and getting all caught up in yourselfs even when there's people around. moments where you and him are all that matters and the only ones in the room. Even when you're surrounded by people.

Their nicknames and sometimes you forget, Untell some random person says it out in public and perks your ears up and you remember he used to call me that. and then you think back to moments where he did and it brings smile to your face, a sad smile because that's over but a smile nonetheless. You ask yourself what's he doing now where's he at. And does he think about you.

Don't get me wrong I know I'll be okay I know that my chances of finding love that is true are pretty slim I understand that in the scheme of things I ended up exactly where I should be a mother of two beautiful boys. Ex-wife to two wonderful men and a girlfriend to way too many men.

But with every "mistake"? There was a lesson learned. Things that I hope will never happen again.

Some things I would never take back. Some things I wish I could do over. But if I done things differently then I wouldn't be where I am now.

Two amazing children Justin and Conner Are my life. And I will strive to keep them near me. I will help them grow. Watch them make their own mistakes. Watch as they fall in love for the first time. Watch them get their heart broken. I will proudly watch them exchange vows with the woman they can't see their life without. Hold their baby's. laugh with them, cry with them. And be there for them.

This is a dream I can't imagine living without.


I guess what I am saying is this.

Mistakes you make in life make you who is standing in front of the mirror today so you can't regret your mistakes. lessons learned are things that can't be taken back. they can't be learned if you don't make the mistakes and they change who you are. So every mistake makes a chapter in your life. And in the end your exactly where you need to be.